Buying peoples respect? There's a coupon for that!

Today I think I will talk about a subject that is very near and dear to all of us students; Coupons. That right, those blessed little gifts of joy disguised in shiny book like wrapping. See, we as students are in a very exclusive phase of our life’s whereby coupons are not only acceptable to use, but praised! The more one saves off a chicken kiev the more impressive one looks. Coupons are marvelous inventions especially at the hands of a market savvy student, to whom 20% of a haircut in town is the equivalent of buy one Ferrari get one free to the son of an oil tycoon.  How the coupon is presented is of course of great importance to the ever so easily distracted student and in general there are four types of coupons floating about a typical campus region:

1) Books of tokens: Although the most impressive looking it can often be the most disappointing, merely offering you a discounted driving lesson on your tenth lesson or Two for One entrance into the Cork Butter Museum. In general nothing worth really holding onto. Granted you offer the occasionally tempting Little John’s offer but realistically the trek is not worth the treat and you will never be used. Oh and if you arrive in our mail box nine times in the one week we will use you for squashing spiders/rolling cigarettes/ unsanitary disposal methods that I shall not discuss further. Just a heads up.

Behind those happy eyes lies pure evil.

2) Leaflets handed at the gates of campus: Oh yes Mr ‘I’m dressed as a giant Subway Sandwich.’ I see you and you see me. We can dance the dance of avoiding eye-contact all we want but like it or not I will finish that tango with a leaflet that offers me a meal deal for five euro in my hand. Useful…if meal deals weren’t already five euro. Don’t disguise yourself as a coupon. You’re just another ad. 

As for you manipulative vultures that are Bank people, you, oh you, are the scum of the coupon-type people. You stand at the gates of the campus, shiny eyed and aluminous t-shirted roping us in with offers of free money and rucksacks. You all caught me on day one of college, signing me up to an impressive three banks in all of…I don’t know, seven minutes? As much as I regret my multiple empty bank accounts what disgusts me even more of the bank campus people is they never give up. Three years later you still get hounded by them as you try to make your way to campus. Surely there should be some sort of charity sponsorship set-up where you should get some sort of immunity sticker to say you’re a member.

3) Back of receipts: These forgotten players in the coupon game are often neglected by students. A puppy after Christmas syndrome if you will. Their neglect is self inflected as these coupons are aimed not at students but at those who have a disposable income that they plan to spend on more than just poptarts and Dutch Gold. In the eyes of students the backs of receipts are mostly unwanted ‘treats’ like hotel breaks and spa weekends. But what’s this I suddenly see? Two cinema tickets and popcorn for 14 euro? Why back of receipts perhaps you may have redeemed yourself. 

4) Specialized booklets: Specialized booklets, as I am categorizing them, are the booklets that you receive in your promotional goodie bags and/or through your postbox. The difference with these little beauts is that you actually want them. These booklets are dedicated to just one company (typically for a food establishment such as Four Star or Dominos*) and come complete with everything a student needs. What is great about the specialized booklet is that the hardest part in a student’s day is over; they have decided what they want for dinner. Now all that’s left is choosing what offer to use. So there’s no trudging through menu’s of Chinese, Italians and Indians, you have decided ‘I’m having this company’s pizza. End of. A second advantage of the specialized booklet is their amazing ability to make the student feel like a genius. In a group decision he who discovers the most economical offer will be rewarded with praise, adoration and first borns named in their honour. He who realizes that Domino’s spend 40 euro and get 50% off means if they get 41 euro worth of pizza they need only spend 20.50 is guaranteed at least enough children in their honour to have a crèche named after them.

I must, when writing this, include a very special shout out to a dedicated Domino Pizza employee who went above and beyond his call of coupon delivering duty; a mighty enough call of duty as it is. This happy employee delivered his latest batch of coupons, not through the post box nor on the street but through my bedroom window. That’s right, this chap walked up to my ground floor bedroom while I was pottering around inside and stuck his head in the window to hand me my coupon. Although this sounds terribly intrustive/ restraint order worthy, I found it hilarious. I must include here it wasn’t done in a ‘Peeping Tom’ manner….my windows are abnormally huge, with eight of them in total, all of which were open. So to him, I was basically standing in my yard. Still, hilarious none-the-less.

On that note I invite you to tell me of your personal favourite coupons, or personally useless coupons...all suggestions welcome! Also if there are anything you would like me to include in a blog, let me know, I'm as open as your pants buttons at Christmas...

Side Note:

* I have not been endorsed to promote Domino’s nor Four Star. I will however happily accept any form of endorsement in the form of free pizza….double pepperoni and cheese please. Go on sure, if you insist, I’ll take the garlic pizza bread too.